Dying from a broken heart?

Several months after losing our sweet boy, caring family members starting warning us that if we weren't careful we could actually die from a broken heart. At the time that didn't seem like such a horrible thing. but as the months half past and we've been able to heal, you begin to look at yourself from the outside and understand exactly what everyone's worried was and probably still is.

Let's face it, taking care of myself for the past almost 2 years has almost become non-existent. For a long time I considered getting up and getting dressed the biggest triumph of my day.  What the hell did the world want from me? Trendy hair and cute clothes? Who really gave a crap.

This past weekend we hosted a beautiful event for our two youngest daughters. it was time to celebrate quinceaneras,  sweet sixteens and too many things that have gone without a party recently. New dresses for me and my girls, a new suit for Dad, and tons of pictures with so many people that we love and cherish. I've spent the week sorting through hundreds of pictures and a few things have become blaringly obvious to me.

I've been dying of a broken heart.

So without getting into the specific details of my weight , my health   the stack of prescriptions by my bedside   or even my basic style I have been bitch slapped with reality. An enormous piece of me has been lost and tucked away, hidden really, as I've been learning that it's okay to live with a broken heart.

I'm feeling overwhelmed with the desire to live. Not just in a way that gets me from sunup to sundown, but in a way that allows me to feel and share more joy then I did before CJ came into our lives. What better legacy could I leave for my son?

So I am admitting so many people were right. You can die from a broken heart. I admit that much of me did. But maybe there is an even bigger part of me left to put out there in the world. maybe my story is just beginning. maybe.....

#doitforcj