It seemed like such a simple idea. Rally the kids to help me do a 1 hour tidy up on the basement. We went down armed with trash bags determined to sort through some old games my teenagers haven't touched in years. What I was faced with was stacks of CJ's things.
A few boxes of clothes, highchair, stroller, swing... Most of what was stored had only been placed in just the right places a few days before we said goodbye. My sweet husband swiped everything I asked him to away to the basement. A few sheet were tossed on them to protect from dust, but they were obviously tossed down quickly and never really dealt with.
I admit to slowly picking through a few bins. Blankets the girls loved as toddlers caught my eye and were brought up to be washed. The smiles on their faces when they saw them was adorable. It felt oddly comforting to return them.
I took offense today when another mom said to me "atleast you have other kids. I have none." At first it seemed like such a callous thing to say to me. But watching 2 of our kids laugh with excitement to be given their old blankies, I admit to feeling so blessed. There is no possible way to miss CJ more. Looking into the faces of our children is a constant reminder of his absence. Yet with every hug and "I love you, mom" comes healing.
Mothers Day is almost here. This one will be very, very different for me. I'm trying to prepare my heart for my reality while my mind reminds me of my beautiful children still here on earth. Another 1st being an angel mommy. Please remember those women around you this week feeling mounting anxiety for this weekend while missing angels. Tread lightly on their hearts. No matter if their arms are full or empty here on earth, a piece of her heart is forever missing.
#doitforcj
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