No worries everyone! Dark, dismal, and crying had been replaced by a lovely fuzzy Xanax induced state of being. After finding myself sobbing hysterically in a fast food parking lot, it was time to come home and surrender to pharmaceutical help.
These days happen. Not often and usually not to the extent of today's melt down, but they happen. The embarrassment of mascara streaks and puffy eyes is just normal for me now.
I should make disclaimer cards for when a stanger stumbles upon me during these moments. Something that says
Caution! The woman who handed you this card is a heartbroken bereaved mom. She doesn't have the words to explain her tears. Back away slowly without looking her in the eyes and everything will be ok.
I'm amazed at how many places I've burst into tears. Most times I couldn't even tell you what triggers it.
But tears are ok. They mean I haven't closed down. Tears release some of the pain that stabs at me all day long. I daydream about way to turn off the pain. That would be a welcome change some days... to just drink myself into a stupor until I simply don't care. But my reality is that I live my kids too much to make them witness me like that.
So after crying my way through most of Lockport, hopefully tomorrow will be gentler. Or at the least, sunny so I can hide behind my sunglasses!
Btw... Doesn't everyone ask for a stack of napkins with their iced tea in the drive thru? Geez.... There's a very confused kid at DD that had to deal with a crazy lady crying in her car this afternoon. I wonder if I made his newsfeed ;)
#doitforcj
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