Years ago when the girls were all small we packed up the minivan (including a hyperactive young chocolate lab) and headed out to a family vacation cottage for an afternoon of fun. Our girls enjoyed a fun day of digging in the sand and floating in the river in tubes.
My grandfather was there sitting in the backyard with my dad and a few others manning the bbq and enjoying a few cold beers. He took to our crazy lab immediately and amused himself by launching a large stick in the river over and over again to her extreme delight. That dog ran and belly flopped into that river over and over amusing everyone watching.
That evening when it was time to pack up, everyone was snuggled into their car seats with beach towels as blankets. That swamp monster dog insisted on lying on the middle seat with a kid. Not 10 minutes into our trip home, we heard the loudest snored coming from the back of a very quiet van. When we realized it was the dog, our own exhaustion gave way to giggles as we watched her passed out cold snoring away. To our amazement that dog was back to her crazy antics the very next day.
We were the reincarnation of that crazy dog last week. We tackled Disney World like pent up pups that needed to run to the point of exhaustion. Every day we left early for the parks still trying to wake up, and returned so tired we would crash into bed with the same weight as that snoring dog. Complete and utter snoring exhaustion.
It was an attempt to forget.
We all needed to forget the pain we have been living with since we lost CJ. He will never be forgotten, but some days my heart screams for a break. So we ran. And a few days into this week of insanity, when exhaustion was starting to set in, we began to mention him and laugh again. He was with us as we ran ourselves into the ground. He was with us as we screamed on rollercoasters, laughed in shows, wiped tears at new babies, and sat in awe under the fireworks. We said is name out loud and it was in each others' eyes.
I've been thinking quite a bit about that sweet old dog today. She passed away at 15 yrs old just a few days after CJ. Every little boy needs a dog, so we sent CJ the best. She found such crazy joy in life. She was there to snuggle me when I came home from the hospital. Even in her last days, she was there.
I'm struggling with the transition back into home life. What should be a place of comfort hold so many memories of CJ. The dreary rainy weather is weighing heavily on my heart. I miss the nights of falling asleep exhausted after a day of complete craziness. I miss having our girls with us all day. I now understand our old dog's joy in chasing that stick all day.
#doitforcj
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