Oh, mommies. I am so disappointed in us. A trend keeps popping up before my eyes that I can't bite my tongue on another moment longer.
"we will be better moms and love our kids more". Aggghhhhhhhh! I have seen this sentiment on grieving parent pages referring to other living children, on trying to conceive pages referring to babies so desperately prayed for, and even a conversation between stay at home moms gently tippy toeing around saying vs their working mom counterparts.
Seriously ladies, WTF??
So I will be the outspoken pain in the ass who tells you all to knock it off.
First off, how a baby is conceived does not guarantee your parenting skills. No matter if a life is conceived in the back seat of a car or a test tube, there is no difference in the stresses of raising a child.
The ignorance just hurts my soul. Does this mean that my 4 children are not as loved as much as others conceived through fertility treatments? Or adoption? Or subsequent to the loss of a child? Do I love my daughters less than my son? The sentiment is preposterous.
As women, why do we allow ourselves such selfish stereotypes? I have been very grateful for all of the incredible women who have come out of the woodwork to nurse my soul back to a state of living. I can't begin to process how many have buried children, sat bedside as a child fights death sentence diagnosis, and had their baby killed at the hands of someone they love. They are just a handful of the stories of women walking among us every day. They have quietly shared their stories with me to keep me breathing. They are absolute heros among us.
Love my children more? Absolutely not possible. I do not love my children more today than I did a year ago. I worry about them more. I fear for their safety more. I even pray for them more. But I love, adore, appreciate, and give thanks to God for their very existence as I did before we lost our son.
Sorry to break the news to anyone who still believes they have it all figured out before that baby even crowns- you don't have a clue! Every child is a mystery that evolves and unfolds every day. Daydream, but don't plan. God laughs while we plan... I planned on enrolling my son into little league and Sunday school. Instead I buried my beautiful little boy with Down Syndrome. My entire perception of what our life would be like with him is a reality I will never fully understand. Would I have been a wonderful mom to a special needs kiddo? I think so. I hope so. I pray so. Did the surprise of his diagnosis make me love him less? Absolutely not.
Be kind to eachother. Build up EVERY mom to be a good mom. Take the time to learn from eachother, admit our faults, and curb the plans. Unrealistic expectations on ourselves are our own demise.
Love to all of you kick ass mommy warriors.
I don't care if your babies are here on earth, waiting for you in heaven, or yet to be born-
A mother's heart loves.
Love,
Jen
#doitforcj
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