Giggles to migraines

I'm trying to decide if I hit a big emotional speedbump yesterday, or simply had a migraine on a stormy day.

Family parties are stressful and typically avoided.  But to my surprise I was really looking forward to seeing family this weekend.  I enjoyed shopping for a gift and looked forward to laughter and chatting.

And everything seemed like it was going well. We were off on our own (which is normal for this family group) laughing with our kids and visiting with a few family members.  As the moments ticked by, I caught a few glances, a few hands placed uncomfortably on my shoulder, and eventually a few heads together whispering while looking in my direction. Yet nobody was asking how I really was.  Nobody said CJ's name.  My neck started to become indescribably hot as a crazy thunderstorm swept in.  My blood pressure because to rise and my eyesight strained.  Eventually panicked started to set in as the pain began to tighten across my forehead.  It was like having a metal band across my forehead that was being tightened slowly.

My husband and kiddos agreed to leave without a fight.  I remember getting into the car, but the next thing I remember is waking up around 3am fully clothed in bed.  I changed and drank the large soda left for me by sweet kiddos and went right back to sleep.  This lasted 18 hours.

Today was spent being mom.  Cooking a big dinner, playing cards with the family, and even feeding drop in boyfriends (of the girls' of course!).  But I have to wonder, almost with embarrassment, what happened to me yesterday.  One giant step backwards, our simply a migraine from crazy summer weather?

Some answers I will never truly have answered.  Some days will always be harder than others.  Yet somehow knowing that tomorrow is another chance for healing gives me hope.  Hope that the laughter that echoed through the house as we dove for spoons while playing cards somehow balances out the days when I need to crawl into my cave for 18 hours.

Wishing all my fellow answer seekers the ability to put those thoughts aside and rest.  Or even better, laugh!   #doitforcj