So many simple words that I thought I understood how to define have evolved to completely different meanings. Case in point, "homesick".
There is this ache that follows me. On days when I'm alone, or surrounded by my beautiful family something is always missing. It would make sense to say someone. But in reality, having CJ with us would change our lives in so many ways.
Our daily rhythm of coming and going about our day could never work with an infant. The simplicity of walking out the door at a moments notice, our nightowl summer antics, and lazy summer days sleeping in. Every single self indulgent moment of independence that parents wait endless years to enjoy are the moments our household looked forward to changing.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this ache today. The conclusion I've come to is I am terribly homesick. Comical for someone who has moved as much as I have in my lifetime! To me, home is a feeling, not a place. My heart had prepared a huge space for our little boy. Home will always be where I live my life with Nate and our four children physically present to love and live with. CJ's absence is not something that can be replaced or changed. My heart aches for my home. A place I will never be blessed to live in during this life on earth.
Homesick. So so very homesick...
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