It's a typical night here. We came home from bball kid's game with bags of take out and extra teens hanging out. Excitement of tomorrow's dance fills the house as text msgs fly back and forth figuring out who is getting dressed where. I listened to our guest list grow and grow, not minding a bit.
The extra kids call me mom. They wear rubber bracelets with CJ's name. I'm kissed and hugged the way only teen girls know how to do. They ask me how I am and truly want to hear the answer. Tears are not uncommon when one of them looks at CJ's pictures framed with the others.
It's a comfortable rhythm. Easy banter and teasing as we eat, watch Dirty Dancing, and relax. Dancing breaks out as they reenact scenes from the movie, then an impromptu dance lesson to Mexican music by the most Mexican of the 4 of them. More laughter...
This is how we keep life moving. It would be so easy to get stuck. To stop living in a place where it seemed like life was over. I may have been a mascara smeared, baggy sweats, overtired, erratic mess on the couch, but we didn't lock the world out. Home may have been my safe place to fall apart, but it was also an open invitation to anyone who could handle seeing us that way.
Never underestimate the capacity a teenager has to love. Or their ability to empathize even in situations way beyond their experience. Their hearts and so much more open than the average adult. I have learned so much about how to put my guard down and love someone in pain. They have reminded me of the power of a hug, how it's ok to sit too close, and that laughter is ok even with tears.
This weekend is a tornado of activities and appointments. My heart is heavy for CJ. I picture him with us nomatter what we are doing. But this crazy pack that encases us... They will push me forward. Highschool dance pictures later. We will #doitforcj
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