Say his name

Christian

Jonathan

Cruz

Aguilar

CJ as we lovingly nicknamed him.  I was chatting with a "friend" recently who stated she didn't refer to my son as CJ because "putting a name to it made it too real."

So let's clear the air.  While the State of Il and the IRS do not acknowledge the existence of our son, we do.  He isn't an it or a thing.  He is a child of God.  He IS our son, not was our son.  While he waits for us in heaven, we carry him with us every second of every day.  We will talk about him and cry for his absence until the day we die. He is no more or less important than any of our children.

So many sweet, caring, generous, loving relationships have blossomed as I have shared CJ.  But unfortunately we have also learned who is in our lives for the right reasons.  Not just the good times when the beer is cold and big screen on, but those times when your house stinks from dirty laundry and the weeds are knee deep in the flower beds.  Those who continued to call/write/pray/stop by... YOU are our angels.  You have seen us in our grungy ugliest chapter and loved us through it.  We have shared CJ to have him embraced and cherished in this crazy community.  And you continue to say his name.

Thank you!

It seems fitting to take a moment to thank everyone still following along on this crazy journey 6 months later.  Please never hesitate to comment or message me.  I am JUST a mom.  Nothing super human or angelic.  Ask me questions that linger and I will try to answer here.  Every mom that shares her story gets me through another day.  Every note just telling me to hold on is another link in the chains holding me up.  Just by being here, YOU are part of our story.

So tonight, I'm hanging up my supermom cape.  The kids that are home are having potpies, while I am indulging in fried pickles.  Life will continue to go on even if we skip the veggies tonight (but I will argued pickles are cucumbers and potpies have peas and carrots!) We said CJ's name lots today.  We also wiped lots of tears.  But tomorrow we will continue this journey knowing you all have our backs and your prayers push us forward. Never stop saying my son's name.

#doitforcj
Jen

Happy 6 month angelversary CJ.  I hope heaven is full of toy trucks and puppies!  We love you sweet boy... Mommy  xoxoxo