Today was just a downer. No specific reason. Maybe the weight of yesterday's remembrance day for lost babies was just a bit too much for my soul. CJ was heavy on my mind and I was having a hard time shaking that horrific feeling of loss. It's heavy, painful, and often debilitating.
By the time we were returning home from a high school choir concert, everyone was getting snippy with each other. Down right bitchy actually. Sometimes as a mom you have to make a split second decision. Since beating a 21, 16, an 14 year old had never been my style, I had to improvise. Here's are my step by step instructions for saving the night:
First, call their Dad at work. Give very little details except to firmly tell him to send pizza to the house. NOW. This was said in a tone that he understands life is hanging in the balance and no further discussion is going to end well.
Then pull the car over in the quietest side street you can find. The car will immediately became very very till. The darker the street, the better. That moment needs to dramatic.
Without making eye contact, sternly order the one kid who is refusing to get her driver's permit out of the car, and get out yourself. Keep in mind, this is the same child who is the subject of an epic story of being removed from the minivan still strapped into her carseat around age 3 after repeatedly biting her baby sister. She sat terrified on the ground of a random parking lot in a bad neighborhood with me staring her down and bystanders probably thinking was going to leave her there!! Anyway, back to the important steps...When everyone looks near tears and wondering what the heck you are about to do, smile and instruct her to get behind the wheel while you climb into her spot in the back seat.
The next 15 minutes will be filled with laughter, yelling, practice crash positions from the obnoxious passengers in the back seat, and many many many left turns around the block. Those 15 minutes are your chance to remind everyone how blessed we are. We are together. A big piece was missing, as it always will be. But it's ok to laugh even on a crappy day. It's ok to take a night when you are walking in near 10pm without a plan for dinner and order a pizza on a school night. It's ok to challenge a kiddo to step out of her comfort zone because she has a safety net. I will always be their safety net.
Missing our CJ more than I can ever explain, but trying my best to live a life that my kids will remember me laughing more than crying. I'm ok with a reputation for wine and pizza on the couch on a school night. But most of all, I hope they realize the lemonade may be a little more sour than we prefer, but it sure is better than chewing on a basket full of lemons.
#doitforcj
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