Very very jealous today

A baby died today, and I am so jealous...

Not that I wish the pain of losing a child on anyone.  But a couple slipped into the news recently for living a bucket list for their unborn child.  They knew he had a terminal condition and may not even survive birth.  They did what I daydream of.  They lived every moment of his time with them in joy.  They knew the inevitable, yet pushed forward with the pregnancy and soaked in every moment.

They preplanned his funeral together.  Instead of how it played out for us with me in the hospital and Nate making sleep deprived decisions the day CJ was born. They were able to calmly decide together how to celebrate their son.

They made arrangement for a photographer and family to be present. 

A community has stepped forward to help them enjoy the time they had, plus say goodbye. They are admired and remembered for loving their child.

And when she went into labor naturally, they got to go through the motions like any other parents to deliver those son.  They listened to his heartbeat knowing it may be the last time as she labored to bring their beautiful boy into the world.  A stark difference from being sent over moments after learning your beautiful, healthy baby is dead to be induced as you listen to your husband on the phone trying to find the words...

What a blessing this family was given!  They baptized a living baby and shared a few sweet memories with him before he became an angel.

He existed.  He has a birth certificate.  His Catholic baptism included chrism and is fully recognized by the church. He qualifies for life insurance. They can claim him on those federal tax return. His existence is legitimate.

My heart breaks for them as they say goodbye, but my soul aches for the tiny bit of time they had to prepare. I agree they are brave, beautiful people.  But don't forget those of us who didn't have time to plan. Our destinies changed in a heartbeat.  There was no time to be attract national attention for how we loved our babies.  We are just left shattered to watch other families like this one with time that we would have laid our own lives down to have.

So today, I'm jealous.

Rest in peace sweet little Shane.  There are so many beautiful angels waiting to play with you!!!

#doitforcj