National blah blah blah month

October.  Ughhhhh....

You may have seen posts declaring it National Infant/Pregnancy Loss month.  This was in thanks to President Raegan.  Yet while 1 in 4 pregnancies are lost, October is really know for saving the boobies.  I am in no way belittling any cause.  In fact, my point is quite simple.

I am not a poster child people are looking for.

We want to put a pretty bow on a horrible subject.  Nobody wants to talk about dead babies.  We can't put silly phrases or cartoons on the topic of stillborns or miscarriages. Grieving moms do not make for pretty pictures on websites and billboards.

I use profanity.  Often.  My journey is pure bullshit.  I make no apologies for dropping f bombs when there are no other words severe enough to explain my state of mind.  Definitely not spokesperson behavior.

I wear sunglasses on my head nomatter the weather to hide behind during one of my never ending breakdowns.  There are no boundaries to where and when the waterworks may start.  It makes people incredibly uncomfortable. Definitely not something people idolize.

I walk around wearing my heart on my sleeve. I tend to be open to people who have been through their own living hell.  Crappy marriages, substance abuse,  financial ruin, dead babies... If it's ugly or embarrassing, I'm your girl to befriend!  My community is a beautiful group of riffraff, once wounded but full of love and laughter.  We are often loud, offensive with our humor, and attention grabbing.  Yet all are welcome to join if you leave your ego at the door.  A group picture would show our dark eye circles, bruised souls, sleep deprived hearts, yoga pants and half empty wine glasses. Nobody wants their kids to view us as something to strive for.

This is why you may see a few posts shared by me, but I won't be joining in on most of the events my beautiful babyloss community is planning this month. I won't be wearing the t-shirts being printed by various group proudly starting I'm the mom of an angel. 

I am not the poster child for babyloss.  I am simply a mom doing whatever it takes to take the next breath.

I hope one day we can do better. That as a society we can reach out to the ugly causes.  The ones that make us uncomfortable to talk about.  Maybe when your kids show up with pink save the boobies bracelets or you notice yet another pink magnet ribbon on the back of a car you will think of CJ.  I'll happily ride on the shirt tales of another cause.  Plus what little boy wouldn't love to be remembered with a bunch of boobies??

Because let's face it... I am no role model!
But at the least I can keep reminding you all why I continue to #doitforcj .