Babies die. Children don't always get better. Relationships end. It CAN happen to you.
The reality of losing CJ had taught me that life is sometimes simply crap. Actually, bullshit. My sweet Catholic upbringing cringes at excessive profanity, but sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade!
So how do these epiphanies funnel down into my everyday life? Today life put plenty of chances in my path.
First, I was confronted with a friend worried about her very ill family member. I couldn't find the words to comfort her. How can I promise she would be ok? Why do we immediately fall back on those bullshit promises? Who could possibly look into my eyes and not know I am lying?
Then tonight I clumsily stumbled attempting to help a pregnant friend with her worried heart. She had lost a baby with a story similar to our CJ. Telling her everything will be ok feels so insincere. I pray with my entire heart that she finishes with a beautiful, living baby. But my very jealous heart screams why? Why does she get a rainbow while I try to deal with the reality that I may never have that chance? How do I convey how much I hope she will have a happy ending while knowing bad things really do happen?
I need to pray on this one for awhile. Right back to that basic "hope" concept. How do I share my hopes and best wishes with those around me while not making bullshit promises? Hmmmmm...
#doitforcj
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