What's next?

I suppose I've brought this one on myself.   Even in the quietest moments of the day,  my mind is racing to find new ways to keep CJ's memory alive.  Often I am asked  "What's next? ".

My son's first birthday had brought that subject up several times this week. And of course,  I have plans.

The hospital has asked me on teach an inservice to any hospital employee involved on labor and delivery that would like to learn a few basic photography poses and techniques.  As soon as I accepted, a date for next month was scheduled.  I think of those open hearts who have heard our story and have been touched to want to help other families and my heart soars!

Next add on the calender is a Cotillion for our daughters in the spring.  A sort of quince/sweet 16/17 that they have so deserved yet our distracting life had prevented us from scheduling.  They have chosen to have a mascarade ball.   With the help of a local restaurant, thier dream is taking form.  In liu of gifts,  they will be asking thier guests to bring items to be added to comfort bag we are making for grieving families to take home from the hospital.   Candle jars in peaceful scents, a piece of jewelry for a grieving mommy's heart,  a journal to write notes to thier sweet babies...  just a few of the beautiful gifts we received over time that brought me some peace.   Thier brother is always with us.  Honoring him with every family event will be easy with the love these girls have for him.

But what about today?   The big dates scribbled on a calender are the easy ones.  My focus is directed at memorializing him on those days.  It's the ordinary days that are confusing.   I walk a fine line between living a life reflective of my love for CJ, and getting caught up and missing the life that continues to move on around me.  

Now that a year has passed, several people have expressed to me that it is time to "move on".  I'm going to continue to politely nod and carry on exactly how I am.  One very confusing day at a time.

By the way,  have I mentioned that I have a son?  I would love to tell you more about him....

#doitforcj