Tonight's dialog:
Him "hi"
Me "hi"
Him "what's up?"
Me "washing dishes/watching a cooking show. You?"
Him "not much"
Me "k. See ya tonight"
Him "ooooooooook. Love u"
Me "love u too"
Boring? Monotonous? Predictable? Nope. A comforting 20 seconds phone call we try to sneak in several times every evening my husband is working. We just need to hear eachother's voice. Sometimes there's more, but often not. It's just our way of saying "are you ok?".
It's a private language where so much more is really being said. He's making sure his wife hasn't fallen to pieces, and I'm making sure the stress of picking up the pieces hasn't destroyed him. It would be very easy for us to disconnect. He works crazy hours, I'm flying solo with a household of teenage drama. Yet somehow we have made a decision to put just as much energy into loving eachother as we do missing CJ.
A few years ago I was working the night shift at the hospital and one of the chaplains stopped by for group conversation and prayer. He started the conversation by asking us who we would put first in our lives after God. The answer he was prodding for was our children. He was startled when I said my husband. He practically argued with me that my children where a part of me, my husband was by choice. I explained to him that as a Catholic, my marriage is sacrament. A gift blessed by God. It's not an option I can walk away from. I adore my children, but if we do our job correctly, one day they will leave us to live their own lives. My husband will be next to me every day until we are separated by death. Loving your kids is easy. He was right-they are part of me. We all know not every day of a marriage is easy, and we have been through hell. But the choice to walk away is off the table. We meant our vows and trust God to get us through.
Think about the peace of mind that brings. Even at our darkest moments, I knew in my heart my husband will always be at my side. Just like loving our children-unconditional acceptance. I am flawed. I stumbled. I am loved.
So when you read the stats of how many marriages crumble after the loss of a child, know my heart breaks for those couples. Those stats just solidify in my heart how blessed I am to have my crazy life. Tomorrow we may argue about disciplining kids, bills, driving skills, loose socks in bed, dirty laundry on the floor, missing remotes, unfinished house projects, scattered abandoned coffee cups, and how unfunny farting really is, but at the end of the day we will follow our #1 rule and crawl into bed together. He may only get a few inches of blankets if I'm annoyed, but we will be together.
I asked him tonight if he ever wonders how we manage to keep laughing together. His teasing response was that murder is illegal. Then after a few moments he added "we should write a book about all the crap we've survived". He's probably right, but who would ever believe it?? Atleast it gives me material to blog about at 1am with his arm protectively around me as he snores. #doitforcj
(picture from 1995. Dating 2 months, we were engaged 2 months later)
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