Please don't point it out...

I thought I was handling a difficult day quite well.  I was out of the house, dressed, and not crying.  Then it was pointed out...

A simple comment actually. That I looked sad in the only 2 current pictures of me.  I know.  You don't have to point it out.

For future reference, when talking to a grieving mom there are a few other things you should not bother mentioning.

If she is in her home and out of bed, that may have been a victory for her that day.  Her pjs are not an issue to her even at 2pm. Don't point them out.

If her hair had grown 6 inches, don't point it out.  Idle chit chat with a hair stylist may be terrifying for her.  She may not be ready for the "how many kids do you have" question.

If she made it out of the house, but never brushed her hair or washed the smudged mascara from last night's tears, don't point them out. She may be enjoying a few moments of fresh air for the first time in days. This also goes for mismatched shoes, ill fitting maternity clothing and the ponytail.

For the first time in her life, she doesn't want to hear that she lost weight.  Feeling prying eyes on your figure is heartwrenching after a loss.  Do not point it out.

When she forgets to return you call, returns the wrong casserole dish to you, or simply doesn't say hello at the mailbox, let it go.  You don't ever want to understand the turmoil that is taking over her mind.  She feels  overwhelmed. Don't point it out.

If she seemed so much better last week , don't point it out.  She knows.  Grief is a frustrating, curvy road.

If you are keeping track, are tallying up favors, or feel taken advantage of for helping a greiving family, Stop immediately.  They do not need that kind of help. They need to be loved.  They can't remember a few hours ago, let alone a few weeks.  And for the love of God, don't point it out.

Know that your love can make such a huge difference.  Don't wait for the call.  If one more insincere person says to me "call if you need anything...".  Send a card, drop off a hot cup of coffee, leave a surprise anonymous gift at the front door. SAY HER CHILD'S NAME.  But most of all, pray.  Pray for the absent minded mom driving around in slippers wondering which kid she is supposed to pick up where.  I have personally pulled over twice just to think for a moment "where the hell am I going??".  Do trust me, you don't have to point it out!

Tomorrow I'll get out of bed again, hopefully remember to wash away the tear marks, and send some love out into the world. I have to #doitforcj