Typically when you are introducing yourself you spill the stats. You know- married/kids/where you live. Since we are starting from scratch my story doesn't quite flow so easily yet. Bear with me.
I have FOUR children. 3 daughters here on earth, and a son waiting for me in heaven. Is that how I'm supposed to say that? You see, we just lost our son in August of 2013. Nobody gives you the rules on how to explain this. Do I just say 4 and wait to be questioned to elaborate? Or do I immediately explain he was stillborn?
He- Christian Jonathan Cruz Aguilar. aka CJ. Our first son. Our only son. His name was kept a secret for months as we all only referred to him as "CJ". I never imagined the first time I would hear anyone say his full name would be our priest baptizing CJ in my arms in the delivery room. Baptizing my dead baby. We will get to all of that later...
For now all you need to know is I am over caffeinated, sleep deprived, emotionally explosive, abundantly blessed, and grasping at how to keep my sweet little boy alive in our life. If you choose to take this journey with me, be prepared to witness my watered down cradle Catholic views on life. Wine will be poured, tears will be shed, and laughter will follow.
But in the end, all that really matters is that I #doitforcj
Jen
Great job Jen. You made me smile. I'm a little goosebumpy, too. Perhaps it is because I know your story...or because my Tayla is hand in hand in heaven with CJ...or maybe it's because I see your grief coming to the surface where it eventually will bubble and bubble until it is gone. And, all that will be left is a beautiful story of how CJ wrapped his angel wings around you all the way from heaven and made you whole again.
ReplyDeletejust another step, right? baby steps... :) there are some cutie patootie angels looking down on us smiling!! Thank you for holding my hand through the horribly dark times. This is no where close to over, but there is definitely a light shinning ahead of me!!
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