Thankful?

The hardest thing to be when it all comes crashing down is thankful.  But I truly am.

I can't thank everyone who had been there for us these past 5 months. So many have held us up in prayer alone. Then there are the countless meals, cards, flowers... The list goes on and on.  I hope everyone knows how very thankful we are.

A gift from the funeral home really touched my heart.  The days after the funeral, I had stacks of cards and momentoes covering the kitchen table.  In a bag from the funeral home, I found a pretty box that contained a baby book.  Ouch.  But after further inspection, this sweet baby book was specifically designed for an angel baby.  I spent hours filling in information about the hospital, service/church luncheon.  There were places for how we prepared for him, so I added the invite from CJ's shower and details from that beautiful day. There were places for flower cards, church programs, funeral home info... It gave me a chance to be CJ's mom.  To have the simple pleasure of filling in my son's baby book. It wasn't morbid.  It was the honest, beautiful story of Christian Jonathan Cruz Aguilar. 

Today was a difficult day for no specific reason.  The stress of being unemployed, wondering about the future, and a fb news feed full of chunky adorable babies was just too much for me today.  I'm ok with that.  My husband gives me my space when I need it and some days you just need to lock yourself in a hot shower and cry.  I'm thankful for that time.  It shows I'm only human. 

I'm even more thankful that tomorrow is a new day.  Maybe it will suck, but maybe it will be a day of creativity, silliness, or even joy.  You never know.  All I can do is let myself cry when I need to, then give hope a chance to wiggle it's way back through.  Huh... There's that hope word again!

I hope I can inspire one person a day into a random act of kindness.  Just think-that woman behind you in line for coffee may have lost a child. That neighbor who hasn't shoveled may be hurting physically or mentally.  If I can be thankful for the opportunity to be CJ's mom, you can #doitforcj !!