WANTED: NONCRAZY SUPPORT GROUP

It's happened.  Despited my greatest efforts, I am proving to be uncool {sigh}

In a desperate attempt to find a decent support group, I am realizing I am the minority. 

Catholic, happily married, I know who CJ's daddy is, I'm not living in my car/an addict/being abused.

My son has been laid to rest.  His soul is with our Savior and I will spend eternity with him. I believe that without question.

I get out of bed every day.  Some days I crawl back in, but I get out.
I cry.  I have bad days. But everyone gets dinner,  laundry gets done, some days beds even get made.  I cheer my kids on at sporting events, attend school meetings, and run errands like every other mom, just quietly without need or desire for idle chatting.  We celebrate Christmas.  There were tears but we managed to through it.

I visit my son's grave once, twice, maybe 3 times a week depending on how I'm doing.  Sometimes I sit next to him and talk outloud. Some days are too painful and my tears say it all.

I've seen mourners lying on their loved ones graves screaming in pain. I've heard of too many moms that fall so deep into depression that they stop functioning for years. Posts of people taking their child's ashes on vacation break my heart.  Or a frantic mom who lost her necklace that had her baby's remains... I've heard of a woman who painted her front door black while sobbing in front of the neighborhood.

So when I first started looking at support groups, my church didn't offer one specifically for parents. Our hospital did and the group had a Facebook page. I excitedly joined it.  The stories broke my heart.  Lost babies, broken marriages, and too many women paralyzed by grief for years.  I vowed that would not be me!

So I formed my own pseudo support group.  A woman from church, 2 from the hospital support group, aunts who I never knew had lost babies, my baby loss buddy who was introduced to me from a mutual friend.  I aligned myself with strong, Christian women who thrived.  Who THRIVE. They have survived the ultimate heartbreak in different degrees.  It's a very uncool group of the best kickass women I could ever hope to meet!

I'll cry today.  But I'll also laugh.  When things very hard, I'll reach out to the women who get it.  My village will get me through, and hopefully one day I'll be strong enough to do the same for others.

How do I keep going?  I simply #doitforcj